Halloween is here, and if you want to know how to spot a real witch among the costumes, we can help with these vital signs.
It's that time of year again. You're out and about, and the sight of ghosts, goblins and witches is normal (they may even knock on your door).
Don't be fooled by those witches with their black hats, black cloaks and broomsticks, though, those are not REAL WITCHES. Real witches are exceedingly difficult to spot in the wild and dress in ordinary clothes, looking very much like ordinary people.
So, how do you spot a real witch? Well, as our favourite Halloween book The Witches will tell you, there are six vital signs. . .
A real witch will always be wearing gloves when you meet her because she doesn’t have finger-nails. Instead of finger-nails, she has thin curvy claws, like a cat, and she wears the gloves to hide them.
Not a single hair grows on a witch’s head. You'd think this would make them easy to spot? Wrong! Real witches always wear a wig. And not just any wig. An expensive-first-class wig that looks like real hair. The only way to check is to give it a pull to see if it comes off (note we do not recommend doing this).
Witches have the most amazing powers of smell and therefore have slightly larger nose-holes than ordinary people. They can even smell out a child who is standing on the other side of the street on a pitch-black night, and the cleaner you are, the more smelly you are to a witch. Witches call them stink-waves.
Look carefully into the suspects eyes, right into the middle of the eye where there's normally a little black dot. If she's a witch, the black dot will keep changing in colour, and you'll see fire and you'll see ice dancing right in the very centre of the coloured dot. It will send shivers running all over your skin.
Witches don't have any toes. They just have feet with square ends. A real witch will hide her ugly feet by squeezing them into pretty shoes, which they find extremely uncomfortable. Look very closely and you might see a real witch limping very slightly.
Real witches have blue spit, like ink (they even use it to write with). If you look very carefully you might be able to see a slight blueish tinge on their teeth.
So there you are. As you can see it's very difficult to spot a real witch, but if she's wearing gloves, has large nose-holes, queer eyes and a blueish tinge on her teeth then run like mad . . .